I’m back, permanently now…i promise. 

I suppose my absence is a reflection of how distant i have been in finding things to write about that have any substance therefore i shall write about just that.

The afternoon is the part of the day when i start to wonder whether i have done anything productive since 9am. It’s the time when i reflect over a peppermint tea (or mini milk- i’m sometimes not too civilised) and think too much; and as such, i’ve reflected today that my only solution for thinking too much is to write about it. 

I’m a strong worrier, and to counteract my worries i help other peoples worries. If someone on facebook states ‘omgz i cant do this essay’ i tend to give as much help as possible, but then again i don’t have many friends who wish to abbreviate oh my god to omgz; and they aren’t that religious either. The help i give is only a hint to myself that through this procrastination i haven’t actually helped myself. I have finally found the reason for why i am so stressed, worried, anxious- and i feel quite alot of people are the same.

I can’t relax.

I’ve tried, believe me. It’s partially to do with the addiction of the internet and social networking- sometime there is just too much distraction, inspiration even, to contain your thoughts. My mind constantly makes circles on ideas and questions that could possibly solve a screenplay, interview answer or how the hell do i fix an internet router?

How can i relax? 

It’s a good question really, for someone who wants to be active. I personally can’t be too active due to my body refusing me to do anything due to my ‘anxiety’.

Me: I get my IBS symptoms after i’ve just eaten a meal

Doctor: Anxiety. You must control this.

Me: How do you control anxiety?

Doctor: Relaxing, deep breaths, excerise.

…

Well you can cut out the last one. 

Writing, calms down my panic attacks, thoughts of loneliness, struggles i’m having, and crams them into a tiny book of worry. After i shut the book, i feel better. I call it my scream diary. I am however constantly reminded that i can’t be in that book forever, dealing with situations at work, screaming children and such. 

Maybe i’m a writer because i find it’s the only job i want that can relieve these struggles in a career.

The only other way i ever feel completely relaxed is just before i’m about to go to sleep and i’m watching a sitcom before bedtime next to be fiancee. Why can’t my whole day just be in bed? 

Maybe one day it will.

How do you relax?